Been a busy few weeks

around here. I have been having battles with Jacie again...well when did it ever stop!? After 5 years of butting heads it gets old fast and I feel exhausted and miserable. This isn't the way I envisioned motherhood. Do you ever think back to how you thought you would be as a mother? I think about that all the time and boy are things different to what I had thought up in my mind. I had such unrealistic expectations and if I could go back to when Jacie was born I would change a lot of things. One of them would be to have NO expectations and to realize a lot of stuff that she went through (biting, temper tantrums, etc) was normal part of growing up and that she wasn't this beast of a child. I think back to when she was little and how I always treated her older than she was because she was so big for her age...so again, for some reason, I expected more out of her. What a burden I gave to her and frankly I feel a lot of guilt for it. I wish I could go back and reclaim those times and start over. I say over and over again 'tomorrow is a new day, and things will be different' but they aren't. It isn't fun to fight with your child and I am sick of it. Thankfully camping season is here and we can get outside and be together as a whole family. I love those times!

On April 1st my grandpa passed away. He was 87 years old and he was in an old age home. His quality of life wasn't there for some time and sometimes I'd think 'why does God keep him around and people like him around when it seems there is no quality of life?' but I soon came to realize that we don't have all the answers and to have faith that things happen for a reason. My grandpa had 11 brothers and sisters in his family and one of his brothers had a son Mike (who we never met-not even my mom). Mike saw my grandpa's obituary in the paper and gave my mom a call. He said he wanted to come to the viewing and that it is about time we get our families reconnected. After the viewing he joined us for lunch where my mom and him talked about stories and got updates about the rest of that side of the family. Mike is such a nice guy and we immediately bonded with him and were so thankfully that he did reach out to us. A few days later it hit me...maybe Mike wouldn't have been ready to reconnect with us if grandpa was taken any sooner and that God took him when He knew Mike was ready to reach out to us. We don't know the 'why's of the world but I take comfort in that thought.

This is a layout that I was working on before we left for Moose Jaw. I missed the challenge dead line, but oh well. Maybe it will qualify for a different challenge down the road. While we were in Moose Jaw we went swimming, bowling and had a lot of fun under the circumstances. I am so glad we all went. We even did a casual family picture...it turned out really well! Yes I am in my PJ's! I was hoping the front row would have covered that part up...oh well!